Qu'est-ce que c'est?

I am a working girl. 

Wait, I mean the kind that isn’t a prostitute. 

Funny how last week I was so caught up in not having a job, and now things look so much different. Perspective, much?

This is a new phase in my life, working 40 hours a week. I can’t lie, I’m a little intimdated by the idea. There’s no end date to this job. This is the first time in my life that I can’t be making plans for the future. There is no way for me to plan what I’ll be doing next year or even in 4 months from now, all I know is I’ll be working. A lot.  It feels like there’s nothing to look forward to now, haha! Why was I in such a hurry??

That’s my confession, that I pushed myself pretty hard to get here and now I’m wondering why.  I did internships every summer, I networked, I did what you’re supposed to do. And now that I’m here I don’t know what to do next. I guess the answer would be to just live your life, live like you don’t have to prepare for the next thing, but enjoy the present moment. 

On the other hand, I know that I can handle this adjustment. I’m proud of myself for getting this job, and I know that in a year I’ll be proud of how I handled it. Ah, Perspective -you do a girl wonders. 

Summer came and went! I thought I’d be gainfully employed at this point. But instead, I’m still living in my parents house. Without a job. 

Bright side? I’ve had 8 interviews. One that involved flying across the country (not on my dime) to Philly. People keep remarking that it’s a good sign, all these interviews. I’ve been doing the same routine for months now, and it’s starting to feel quite pointless. 

Everyday, check 8 sites for new job postings. Copy and paste cover letter, tweak, attach resume, send. It does no good to get discouraged, but that doesn’t mean it’s easy not to. 

I keep waiting to start my life, so many hobbies I want to dive into but can’t because I’m waiting to get on my feet. I know this is just part of the process, that in year (please God let me have a job by then) I’ll be living my life and making choices that help me develop into the person I want to be. But for now, I feel like a horse at the starting gate and the gun is nevvvveer going to go off. 

I watch Cesar Milan’s Dog Whisperer quite frequently. OK, I’ve seen every episode. He talks about how some dogs need to feel like they have a job to do or else they get crazy. I be crazy. My job may be trying to get a job, but it’s not rewarding enough- I see no yield. It feels more like a chore than a choice.